pain

*click*
three seconds

*click*
an eternity

*click*
nickel sized hail at 70 mph on my motorcycle the memories come at me

*click*
existentially, less than an electron on an atom in a carbon molecule in a mote of dust am i

*click*
color blurring images, whizzing past me in my tormented subway train of thought

*click*
the staccato 32nd notes of ideas picking at my brain

*click*
i want it to end

*click*
i want it to stop

*click*
i want to sleep

*click*
hurricanes with names of lovers, tearing at my soul with winds bearing flotsam and jetsam ripping chunks away

*click*
be vulnerable

*click*
i hate

*click*
i love

*click*
the scratching weight of neurons infinitely firing to overwhelm my stamina

*click*
bludgeoning upon my senses the stimuli of hope, the press of people, the tearing of my endurance

*click*
i slump to the floor, staring with empty eyes,

*click*
the weight

*click*
the weight

*click*
the wait

*click*
i suck in dry and loveless air, pushing past the drudgery of it all

*click*
the air burns in lungs that want a final exhale

*click*
a glimmer of thought, a single fluff of down wafting from a dove in the dark

*click*
choose life. please.

*click*
sisyphean effort as i push myself up

*click*
resignedly i put it a way with one last

*click*
i put the weapon on safe